I don't want to hurt anymore.

It's been around a month since I've updated this old girl, I have much to write about, Berlin, exhibitions and general updates.

I'm going to start off with an exhibition I visited last night in St. Brides church along Catherine street. It was showcasing Helen Jones' work and it went a little like this, we arrived early evening to the exhibit and we thusly entered the church, greeted by a variety of hanging textiles. They hung in the air alongside the pews in a washing line like formation, each fabric illustrated with a sentence bearing a message such as 'I don't want to hurt anymore' and 'the distance between us is killing us'. As I read each slogan my heart sank a little deeper into my chest, I was temporarily distracted by the offering of Doritos and juice moments later.

I eventually found myself sitting in a pew staring at all the messages festooned in the air. I started to think about how the setting of a church changed the meaning of the words, each sentence could almost be talking to God or asking God for help as churches are generally settings for people whom are searching for answers and aid, many were talking about feeling helpless and lost. A particular slogan read 'When he lied to me, I left him' I immediately associated this with a conversation with God. God promising something, happiness or health maybe, and when he didn't deliver the person may have left his faith.

Although I did come to learn that many of the words had no relation to religion or faith and that the words weren't ownership of the artist, I still found it interesting how the setting changed the message (for me, at least) that was delivered. Sometimes the intended deployment and concept can get lost along delivery and be interpreted differently, I very much embrace this loss, makes things more interesting I guess. 


The combination of emotive language and a setting that's a church carries a large responsibility to the audience to deliver information and knowledge. I felt like answers were going to be bestowed upon me, but as you read through the statements it becomes clear that they are also seeking truths. The two parties in this relationship are equally unknowing of answers. The bible is said to be a book of answers, refer to the scriptures for affirmation, in an increasingly apocalyptic style society such vital truths are sought after like gold dust, knowledge is power and a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. 


Slightly wandered off topic there but to round up, I enjoyed this exhibition lots, the setting and the pieces themselves made me reflect on my own work and how delivery can alter the whole meaning of an artwork. The words hit a layer of my emotions I don't like to draw upon too often. And free juice is always a winner.

Monday mornings' mocha fuelled lecture.

So today we had a visiting lecturer to give us a talk on Feminism art. It was a really thought provoking lecture dealing with transnational feminism. We watched a short film about the cross racial situation of feminism particular to Australia, but also encompassing a sub genre of the universal mother/daughter relationship.

The film began with a jolly black man named Jimmy Little dressed in a typical western outfit singing a hymn, later I learned that this chap was part of the 'stolen generation' in which people of aboriginal descent were conditioned to breed out their roots as part of a Christianity campaign. Apparently it takes 8 generations to fully breed out genes aboriginal genes. The film commenced into several scenes depicting what seems to be a mother/daughter relationship in which the daughter is in a position to care for the elderly mother. In one of the scenes the 'carer' was feeding the mother until getting frustrated with her pace of chewing and eating the remainder of the food herself, I found this scene particularly hard to swallow as I have a lot of experience with England's care system and I'm deeply aware of it's flaws and the consequences of poor care. A great deal of this film hit a nerve with me as from my western point of view it was dabbling in issues of being a carer and how that forced lifestyle can affect your state of mind and who you are as a person, or for that matter, how much of yourself you lose due to sheer dedication of giving your life to someone else.The topic of carers is a delicate one, as it is a very deep demonstration of love and sacrifice.

I did get a little confused initially as the 'mother' was white and the 'daughter' was dark skinned, I later learned that the relationship was brought about by the situation of the policy in which aboriginals were sent to white family's to be bred free of their genes. Throughout the film there was no dialogue just sound, words not needed I guess. I was very aware that I received the visual information and interpreted it in a much different way then someone would if they viewed it coming from the background depicted. There were several emotions ploughed through this film, that of frustration, sadness, burden, and loss. On the whole it made me uncomfortable and hit me on a level I actively try to suppress.

I left the lecture with a deep sadness, and I carried this cloud around with me for most of the day. It was an excellent piece of artwork dealing with culturally specific issues, local and national genocide, relationships between mother and daughter, carer and Carree. I plodded over to the student union for carby sustenance and the whole theme of the morning triggered a long conversation with Louise about life and relationships, emotions and people. I wish more artwork had this effect on me.

Wednesdays banter.

Yesturday we had some visiting post grad students in to give a talk on their work and general post graduate study.

I have to say that this was my favourite lecture yet, they talked of their work and the fine art post graduate study at the royal academy. The two girls whom gave the talk had such different work to chat about. The first round of work to look at was a collection of video art work based on the idea of 80's childrens television with a subtle weaving of folklore in it. Although I didn't think much of the singing and almost sea shanty style vocals within it, I could greatly appreciate the concept and quality of editing embedded in the work.

The next students work (I think her name was alex, don't quote me on that) was a mixutre of mediums and concepts. I found her very interesting as a person, I think I fell in love with her a little bit. She came from a very non-art background and I found that alot of her work was her dabbling around in life trying to find something that fits. Striving to locate that lifestyle art seems to offer. Her work was mostly site specific, basically her art would be created by her reacting to an environment or place. At one point she mentioned something that an artist had said to her, 'Just make artwork about something you're interested in' and she did, she was interested in the occult and therefore produced a body of work based on this. 

It got me wondering about my own interests, and how much of a hard question that is. What are your interests? This questions pops up all over the professional sector of my life, interviews and university alike. It's such a difficult question for me to answer, what am I interested in? What interests me? Then I thought maybe the work I produce subliminally is directed by my interests. Life? Emotions? Circumstances? Social situations? I can't write that down as an interest...'social situations'. As my work is alot about myself, it's very self indulgent so maybe I'm interested in myself. Then I think, everybody is driven by their own agendas in life. So for now my interests involve myself, my own thoughts and development through life. Somewhat selfish I feel, but artists are. We create a career and living from our own indulgence into our mind. Were lucky to be born in England were this lifestyle is supported and validated. A little off topic, sorry.

All in all this lecture had some really thought provoking art works to talk about and I know a little of post grad study in the RA, I did briefly wonder about more studying after a couple of gap years. It's an option. It's provoked me to reflect on my practise and what actually does interest me, I don't have hobbies nor do I take an active role in any societies. What drives me? And in creating artwork, what is exposed about myself and my life? 

Sectioned misery.

Today was the 21st birthday of my good friend whom sadly passed away three years ago, I spent much of the afternoon and evening at his house with a few close family members to celebrate his birthday.

The general situation triggered me to think about my project and its concept, my concept being the attempt to channel negative energy in a considered direction. As we all sat in the living room, there was a collective negative energy. No words being spoken but all of us emitting a dense negative energy and therefore creating a hugely depressing energy field. And as I glanced around at everyone and their faces and their body language it all aimed towards a sense of sadness. I started to think about how this concentrated feeling can affect the greater atmosphere of say, other rooms and even moving towards outside. How can a collective feeling affect the greater world? Could this concentrated negative energy field affect the fields outside and therefore create a shift in the worlds energy? Surely such a mass of emotion would shift a surrounding field? In the same way as other emotions are infectious, i.e. happiness and laughter from one person can change the energy in a room and spread to others and therefore creating a positive field. Could this apply to my circumstance of a room filled with misery?


All this taken into consideration and relating it back to my work, my roll of words is a concentration of my negative energy, and because of its elusive nature of course its negativity cannot spread, as the audience aren't aware of what is being said in the words. How could I go about creating an energy field change? I'm pretty certain it's out of the limits of my project but I thought it was something interesting to think about, shifting energy fields with negative and positive emotions.

I'd like to sell some of my time please.

http://www.fat-pie.com/time.htm

Cheap thrills and art.

I was waiting for the bus this morning, due to it being sunday service suffice to say i was there a long time. Next to my bus stop there is a small field and on this field there are several tree's. Three children had constructed a form of swing out of blue industrial rope and a thick branch. Whilst watching them play it triggered me to think about cheap thrills within art, by this I mean gaining some sort of pleasure from something not particularly complex in purpose or means. 

These children were having such a wonderful time from such a simple object, it was just a thing of waste materials used in a way to mimic the action of a swing, they each took a turn to be pushed in this contraption and swayed merrily, all giggling with pure glee at this simple motion of rocking back and fourth.

This whole situation started snow balling a thought in my mind about the last exhibition I had been to which was in the Manchester City art gallery on wednesday. Me and Louise wandered around the various floors not particularly being engaged with anything, we appreciated the grand oil paintings for the skill and clear sign of detertimation but we like our cheap, plastic thrills. We found ourselves in the 'interactive' gallery space, this space being one aimed at younger children, There were lots of different artworks that you could interact with, buttons to press, things to look through. All these different activities, as trivial and naiive as they were, had me engaged. Is this a reflection on my attention span? My intelligence? Maybe so. But these simple interactions took me out of my life for a short amount of time, and anything that can do that has to be a good thing. Art to me has always been a form of escapism and distraction from my own life and current affairs, I generally go to gallerys to be taken away somewhere else, whether that be by a silly mirror or something radically political that deals with relevant issues of todays society. To wittle this down to my point, lately I've been reflecting alot of on my own relationship with art and how it may differ to others and why. Why am I attracted to art work that demonstrates a cheap thrill? 


For example, Nam June Pikes exhibition in the fact. The tent like structure with the flashing lights. This was a huge cheap thrill and I swallowed it up completely. Give me some alluring lighting and a mat to lie down on and I'm there. Although this is a purely shallow intake into this artwork that's not to say pieces with intellectual depth are wasted on me, I will happily absorb art with dense meaning and art that is making a statement on a particular topic. But nothing quite captures me like a shallow display of aesthetics, I've been thinking alot about why this is. Maybe it's due to my generation, the generation of ADHD and £1.50 vodka red bulls. Maybe it's due to my materialistic nature. Quick, instant gratification.


From what I can summise in my own 2D brain, I am a product of my time, and this for myself has affected my relationship with art. My short attention span and short bordem threshold has impacted my tolerance levels for artwork. Those children playing with the pseudo swing will surely get bored and have probably set it on fire by now for round two of stimulation before tea time, I'm not far from that kind of attitude towards the art industry. It's an ongoing reflection and learning process I am waging through to find out why I ''like'' certain artworks and not others, but for the meantime, I'd like fries with my order of cheap thrills.

 

Exhibition update. The joy's of it all.

I've been falling behind somewhat in keeping this blog updated with the exhibition details, so I'll throw it all up now. Currently what the group have been working on is a poster to advertise the exhibition, we had a meeting this morning to discuss and exchange everyones ideas for the poster. After a multitude of faffing and pootling weve ultimately decided to call the exhibition 'Self-reflection', simple and to the point, it perfectly explains what the exhibit is about without a lot of excess arty language. 

We've been having a few little problems keeping sustained contact with Jess from the SU, them not replying to emails and such but as far as we are all aware the exhibition is going fourth at full steam. 

We also need to start thinking about catering, the most important part of an exhibition opening of course. Jess said something about being able to provide food and drink, there is a bar downstairs and the building is fully licensed so artistic booze hounds are more then welcome to wander around our artistic alley.

Also as part of our advertising we are going to set up some form of event via facebook, if we invite several billion people we might just scrape double figures on opening night.