Post assessment.

So after my assessment I felt a bit exposed, that maybe I'd taken my process of thought writing too far. Too far for my emotional health anyway, the whole thing was getting quite upsetting, after writing each piece I found myself feeling a little bit deflated, exhausted emotionally. In a way the concept behind the continuous writing was contradicting itself, the concept being that by writing down everything that was racing through my mind it'd somehow leave my brain. When, in reality, it's just started to make me feel everything all over again, with a little bit of guilt thrown in. SO! My new start was to concentrate this negative redundant energy into something else. I was watching Shutter Island and there was a scene in which the guy played by Leonardo was interviewing someone at a desk, and he had a little notepad with a pencil. To annoy the interviewee he started scratching the pencil on the paper so hard that it ripped the paper and formed a hole. I dabbled in this as a way to burn off energy, because it was a fast and rough process. Basically it was created by drawing a line with a Biro and continuously going over it so hard that it rips through each page through to the next.

Stab stab.

More stab.

The purpose behind me using a small a5 sized notepad was for sheer convenience, it's small so I can carry it around, and because it's hardback, it's almost like a little book that I can open and close whenever I want. I can hide the art away when I don't want to see it by just closing it. Open it when I wish to continue. I used a red Biro for this particular book, it obviously has initial connotations with violence and blood. It does look like a big gash of some sort, or a vagina as my house mate said.